LIE # 1
"I can't turn my husband on because I'm not as young, thin, attractive, sexy or interesting anymore."
This usually happens when a woman no longer feels comfortable about herself, so she starts to beat herself up about it.
Women are pretty good at looking for what is wrong with themselves or what needs improving, rather than on what's right or good.
If I asked you what you don’t like about yourself I will get a long list of things… “my behind, my legs, my breasts, my eyebrows, my saggy skin, my nose, my ears… and the list goes on and on”.
This is a sad reality brought on by expectations of what a woman should look like as portrayed in the media.
Adverts of skin care, fashion and even food are advertised with women wearing minimal clothing, made up to the brim, and falsified from head to toe and even then the pictures are airbrushed before they hit the media. What this is portraying is women must look perfect at all times.
If I asked a man what he does not like about himself, he will say "nothing. I am happy just the way I am” at the most he may say he would like to lose a bit of weight.
Do you see that this is a gender issue?
I have asked men what they look for in a woman and I was surprised how many men said “a confident woman.” I went on to prompt them on the subject of looks, body size, hair or eye colour, age, intellect and the answer was "I don’t mind what colour hair she has, I don't really mind a chubby or thin girl, the eye colour is not important, as long as she has confidence and carries herself with ease."
Now this may come as a surprise to you, but this was across all ages and intellects. Of course the odd characters, or the immature men wanted the big breasts, the drop dead gorgeous model looking babe, the rich woman, etc. (Both men and women want to feel attracted to their partner.)
Ladies, lets start being more positive about ourselves, which will in turn help our marriages. Be more positive and think thoughts that are going to make you feel good about yourself instead of thinking and believing thoughts that make you feel bad.
Go on try it! What have you got to lose?
You have way more to lose by keeping a negative mindset.
Lie # 2
Any version of the following thoughts...
"My husband always…"
"My husband never…"
"My husband should…"
"My husband doesn't…"
I am sure you are capable of inserting any of your dominant negative thoughts about your husband in the blank spaces. Can you relate to this?
You see we are brought up believing men are what we heard our mothers or other women say they are…
Here's and example of what I'm talking about...
"Florence" an old friend of mine, was having the worst time of her life, (according to her) whilst married to a man who did not work, but did nothing around the house either.
Each day she would come home from work, walk in the door and start…
“Another day to come home to this mess and a husband who has done nothing, I have worked hard and all you can do is sit on your rear end and wait for me to bring home the money and do everything. I am too tired to clean the house or the yard and I would love to be able to relax, have a cup of tea… and…”
Well, she was so tired of this she came to see me and told me everything that was happening at home and was really going through all the emotions one can think of. Anger, frustration, anxiety...
I asked her why she was still with him if she felt so hard done by and unloved and she said “because I love him”.
This is where we needed to make some changes to her dominant negative thoughts about her husband.
I suggested to her when those thoughts came up to change them to the positive thoughts about him when they first met. I then suggested when she got in from work the next day to change her language toward him.
This is what happened over the next week.
Florence: Hi darling, how was your day? (As she kissed him)
Hubby: It was ok. (with a shocked look)
F: Just ok? (as she put her arms around him) why don’t you sit down whilst I make us a cup of tea, so we can sit down and talk about your day.
H: Are you ok?
F: Of course I am, I am home with you
F: Hi darling, I had a great day at work, how about you? (as she kisses him)
H: I had a good day too. (as he puts his arms around her) now you sit down whilst I make the tea today
F: That will be lovely, thank you
H: Hi my love (as he greets her at the door with a kiss) how was your day?
F: Not as good as now…
H: Teas ready as he takes her into the lounge room that has been cleaned, with a bunch of fresh flowers on the table.
Day 4 – He woke up and made her breakfast and packed her lunch whist she got ready for work. When she got home the garden was cleaned and cleared
Day 5 – He was shaved and dressed up when F got home from work
Day 6 – He had a picnic ready for dinner
Day 7 – He was talking about getting a job
What do you think happened in this marriage?
What do you think was the underlying issue in this marriage?